God knows everything! Scary thought right there!
Not one other person in your life knows everything. There are many things that we hide or just don't reveal or share with other people and in some cases have hidden so well that when they start to resurface it is almost like it is an utter surprise to us even though it happened to us.
I am truly glad that God is the only one who knows it all because I don't know anyone else in the world who could handle it all and still love me. We, humans, like to throw the word love around but how many truly mean it. I know from first-hand experience that many people in my life have told me they loved me but their actions toward me screamed louder than any words that they did not. They may have loved what I could do for them or something I provided them but me, no they certainly did not love me.
Those deep hurts take a long time to heal and are sore spots and triggers, whatever you want to call them, and some days it feels as if the world knows exactly where these spots are and they hammer on them continually.
Everyone knows that we react differently when our physical bodies are in pain and the same can be said when we are experiencing internal pain. Most have no idea of what triggers others have as they are not aware of the past hurts and scars that others carry with them. Most of the time we attempt to present ourselves as a neatly wrapped package to the world. Pretty bows, nice paper, great folds, and even edges. Just like a professionally wrapped Christmas present. When in reality most of the time we are more in alignment with the wrapping paper after the present has been torn open. You can tell that the paper at one point was lovely, the bow and ribbon that use to be attached are now detached and thrown to the side, the folds are now crinkled and the smoothed edges are torn. No longer the perfect package because someone tore it apart.
This is how I view the package of my life. The world has torn me apart and my poor decisions making certainly attributed to some of the damage. But, I also feel as I confess my sins and work in conjunction with God that he is repackaging me all over again and with his love and guidance the parcel won't be nearly as easy to tear apart.
This new package will be held together with thicker paper, the bow and ribbons will be reinforced and the tape that holds the edge down won't just be a small piece in the middle but will be from end to end. This reminds me of the presents that my Nana used to wrap. Getting them open was no easy task as the tape she used seemed to be everywhere.
For years, I hid behind the fake facade of the cheaply wrapped, flimsy package of my life. Not anymore, it may not always be pretty and the world may see it as worthless but I know it is not and that the work being done in me has only just begun.
Learning that love is real and that God gives it freely is amazing. One of my strong characteristics is that I do possess a love for others and have great empathy for those hurting. These all came into being because of my scars. The trials and tribulations which Satan intended to make me harder are now being used by God for good. When people realize that when you say "I know how you feel" and truly mean it, it gives them hope that they too can endure and make it through the storm.
It is funny that on the flip side of my strengths of love and empathy my weaknesses are also love and empathy. Taking on other people's struggles or feeling that I have to intercede on their behalf when it may be viewed as nothing but interfering is a hard line to not cross. It is my sincere hope that as I grow closer and mature in my relationship with God that he will help me to learn where the line is and to not cross that line.
1 John Chapter 3 teaches us about love and it made me realize that I am no longer deliberately sinning. I accidentally sin and repent immediately, but my intentions are good. My heart has the right attitude. This doesn't mean that I do not mess up but I no longer let my failures define me and make me insecure in my walk with God. Romans 3:23 tells us that all have fallen short but verse 24 gives us the word that we freely receive God's grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus.
The two indicators in 1 John 3:10 of righteousness (ethical conduct) and loving other believers are what I am striving towards. Finding ways to show love in practical ways and to change my heart where it truly needs to be changed.
Getting real with someone who already knows it all is not easy and I still find myself trying to skirt around certain issues but I am moving forward on my journey.